When you experience something that you did not expect, or didn't feel ready to handle, quite often the first thing to feel out of place is how you relate (or can't relate) to the people in your life. Communication becomes difficult, and you feel like you’re always experiencing conflict.
When you were young and idealistic, you thought the world was a safe and wonderful place, and you could trust most people. Now that this has happened, you don't feel good enough, and wonder if you can be "normal" again. I know the feeling of losing your dreams because of the event(s) that changed the shape of your life, causing it to take a route that wasn't in your plan.
What can be the scariest result of surviving a traumatic event is the feeling that you are alone, and that nobody else can truly understand you, let alone what you have been through. I have walked that road. I have felt like everyone else in my life had healthy, thriving relationships, and they could never understand or accept that what I had lived through.
healing is possible
After a particularly difficult time in my life, I started meeting with a counsellor, and slowly began to experience the beginning of hope. This comes in many different shapes and forms, each as individualistic as we are.
For me it came in the shape of learning that it was okay to be angry about certain events in my life because they were hurtful. I then learned how to let go of that anger so that I could be healthy. I learned what healthy boundaries look like and how to begin to have them in my life. I also learned what the cycle of abuse is, and how it had affected my life, but also where I had managed to break it. I started to have hope again.
I explored what courage, compassion and connection looked like in my life. Finding out who I am and what is important to me has not only been scary, it has been exciting. I gained some self esteem back, and the courage to do relationships differently.
I learned how to have compassion for myself when it felt like nobody else understood. And I learned how to have a healthy connection to the people in my life that included boundaries which allowed me to keep the healthy in, and the hurtful out. It is my goal to help you find these things in your life as well.
the official stuff
I am a Registered Clinical Counsellor (#15185) through the BC Association of Clinical Counsellors and as a Canadian Certified Counsellor (#10001037) through the Canadian Counselling & Psychotherapy Association, working in Surrey, BC.
I am also registered to provide counselling services through the BC Criminal Victims Assistance Program (CVAP) which provides those that have survived a crime to receive professional counselling either for free or at an extremely reduced rate.
I love learning and have participated in a number of additional training opportunities. These are:
Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing Therapy (EMDR) - a form of psychotherapy that uses eye movements to help trauma victims process their troubling memories and beliefs
When Love Hurts - this group therapy follows the book by the same title, and provides women with information about the cycle of abuse, and how to find healing and support after an abusive relationship
Level II of Observed and Experiential Integration therapy - which helps people, especially those that have survived trauma or abuse in their past, to process some of their memories and experiences without having to talk about it.
Gottman Method Couples Therapy Level 2 Training - which provides a good structure for working with couples that is based on years of research by John & Julie Gottman from Seattle.
Emotionally Focused Therapy for couples - which helps me to help couples identify what their need is underneath the arguments and discomfort.
Graduated with a Master of Arts in Counselling Psychology
As you were reading the information above, you may have been feeling like this was speaking right to you, and about you. If you’d like to learn more about what trauma is, click on the button below. Or maybe you want to learn more about how I work….the second button is for you.