The only people who get upset when you set boundaries are those who have been benefiting from you having none.
Boundary setting in Surrey, BC
Do you feel like people take advantage of you in a variety areas of your life? Your boss thinks you are are a superhero and doesn't seem to acknowledge that you have a life outside of work. Your friends ask you to do stuff for them ALL the time. And your family...don't even get you started with how they take advantage of you! You know that you need some boundaries in your life, but you are afraid to hurt people's feelings, or, even worse, to lose them from your life.
You’ve heard the word “boundaries” before, but aren’t really sure how to define them. And any time someone else has used that word, it’s been when they are saying a hard NO to you or others in their life and that sounds pretty harsh to you.
Having boundaries in your life does not mean that you have to cut everyone out of your life. It also doesn’t mean that you are going to start being a hard ass with everyone, only saying no to everything and everyone. I picture boundaries as being a fence around your property. With a gate. So the fence isn't one of those brick walls that you can't see out of. It's a picket fence, and the gate opens to either let good things in or keep bad things out. You get to choose that. And...just because you're keeping some things or people out now, doesn't mean that you are closing the gate on them forever.
Boundaries start with understanding what is important to you and why. This helps you define what you and who you can let into your life in a way that feels healthy and authentic to you. Having boundaries also means that you are using your words with others. You tell them what your boundaries are, and invite them to be a part of your life while respecting you and your needs. Once you have these parameters in your life and are able to communicate them to others, then you also need support to be able to follow through.
If you would like some help defining where you need some boundaries in your life how to implement them, and support in following through with them, contact me at my Surrey, BC office through the button below or call 778-549-6334.
You’ve started to understand what boundaries are, and where you need them in your life, but still aren’t sure how to set them. There are others that feel the exact same way. This is why I will be running a boundaries group beginning September 17, 2019. It can help to be in a group setting for learning boundaries because you get real life examples of how others are also trying to set boundaries in their lives.
If you are interested in learning more about boundaries and how to authentically say yes and no to people and things in your life, then this group therapy opportunity may be for you! Click here for more information.