couples therapy for communication in Surrey, BC
You remember what it was like when you first met. You used to have really long dates when you would just talk and talk and talk.
You would text each other first thing each morning and the last thing you’d see before you put your phone away at night was “good night”.
you don’t talk any more.
Now it feels like you are roommates.
You aren’t sure how you got here, but now you can’t remember the last time you had a conversation that didn’t include arguing.
Maybe you would even be happy with an argument because then you would know that your partner actually cared about what was going on with your relationship.
You have got yourselves into a routine now. Life is so busy that it feels like you work, make dinner, do chores, put the kids to bed, and then crash on the couch to relax and watch TV. Who has time to talk let alone talk about the things that are bothering you about each other.
You go online and search for ways to help your relationship, and there’s tips like: have a date night; set aside time to talk; or keep a journal that you send back and forth. And it all sounds great, but you don’t think your partner would participate, which would just make you even more frustrated than you already are.
You want to feel connected again. You want to have conversations that make you feel close, heard and like you’re doing life together rather than as roommates.
You know that you like your partner and who you know they could be. You want to make the effort to face the challenges in your relationship but you don’t know where to start.
This can be a scary place to be. There is a fear of staying where you are, but also the fear that the effort it takes to get to where you want to be is either too much or won’t actually make a difference.
It takes an average of six years before couples reach out for help
there is hope.
I have worked with couples who are exactly where you are right now, and I have seen them learn how to communicate better and find ways to argue without hurting each other.
It takes an investment from both of you to take the time, money and energy to get to know each other again. It takes time to change the patterns that you are in. Research has shown that it takes couples six years before they reach out for professional help in their relationships. Do you fit into that number? If so, you know that the transition from talking non-stop to not talking at all didn’t happen overnight, and neither will the transition back to communicating well. But if you are both committed you can build that connection again.
how can couples therapy help?
When I am working with you as a couple in counselling, I consider your relationship to be my client. This means that we are all working together to reach the goals that you have for counselling.
If your goal is to find better ways of communicating with your spouse, then I will provide you with tools to make that happen. You will find new ways to talk…and listen…to each other so that you both feel heard and connected.
As you find effective communication skills that work for your particular relationship, you will find that you feel like you’re doing life together. You can start to find ways to argue where you aren’t tearing each other apart and licking your wounds for days after. You can learn to ask questions that help you understand the story that you are telling yourself in different situations, and then find out your partner’s story as well.
I can help you understand the cycle that you fall into as your try to communicate, and find ways to break that. Together you can find ways to understand what your partner needs from you, and how to communicate so that they can understand your needs.
I can help you find the courage to dig into what is limiting your communication, so that you can find ways to be compassionate towards your spouse and find connection again.
If you still have questions, and are interested in booking your free 15-minute phone consultation, please click on the button below. I offer the opportunity to book your appointment online so that you can find something that fits into your schedule, so that link also provides you with the opportunity to book a 50- or 75-minute session if you are ready to start working together. I look forward to meeting you.